15 Confessions

 

I can’t keep my own secrets – especially when it comes to cancer.

 

So, I have some things to confess.

 

1.     If you ask me to do something within the next 8 months and I don’t want to do it, I will play the cancer card.

2.     If I’m in a FitBit competition with you and I lose I’m going to play the cancer card.

3.     If I’m in a FitBit competition with you and I win, secretly I’m going to make fun of you for losing to the cancer girl.

4.     When you get diagnosed with cancer and you have lots of awesome friends you get lots of awesome gifts. It’s like Christmas but without family drama or bad holiday music and movies.

5.     Early in my diagnosis I would treat myself to Chick Fil A after every doctor’s appointment and I once wrote in my journal, “This probably isn’t good for my health, but I already have cancer, so, what the hell!”

6.     If I reach my goal weight this year, I’m going to be pissed that people are going to give cancer all the credit.

7.     If I gain a lot of weight this year, I’m going to make sure cancer gets all the blame.

8.     Lately, I’ve been online shopping like an old lady watching Home Shopping Network and with each purchase I say to myself “You deserve it! You’re fighting cancer!” as if Alabama Power or my mortgage company cares.

9.     When I was diagnosed with cancer one of my first thoughts was, “Crap! Is this going to mess up my plans to walk for exercise every day for 366 days?” (So far, it hasn’t!)

Related Reading: Why I Walk Every Single Day

10.  When I was diagnosed with cancer my first question for the doctor was, “Can I still work?” This Enneagram Type 1 is always on-brand.

11.  I initially wanted to title my blog post announcing my diagnosis this: “Y’all thought I was inspirational before --- hold my boob!” Fortunately, I decided against that.

12.  Once COVID-19 stops ruining the world, I fully intend to exploit my diagnosis for a chance to meet Beyonce or to hang out with Elaine Welteroth. There has to be an adult division of Make a Wish Foundation, right?

13.   When searching online for headscarves to wear once the chemo takes my hair I actually said – out loud – “Cancer, but make it fashion!”

14.  I’m pretty sure the amount of money I’m going to save on hair care products will cover the cost of my cancer treatments.

15.  My main motivation to beat cancer and survive chemo is not wanting my husband to remarry. I don’t want some other woman with my man or in my house. Sorry. Not sorry.