When the doctor says it's cancer

On January 24, 2020 I was diagnosed with breast cancer.

No, I hadn’t found a lump in my breast because I hadn’t been looking for one. In my mind, breast cancer wasn’t something I needed to worry about until I turned 40. And besides, I already had lupus. There was no way God would let me have two life-threatening illnesses, right?

Wrong.

The mammogram I got earlier that month was meant to just be a baseline, something I did just because my doctor thought I should. But that mammogram led to another one which led to an ultrasound, which led to a biopsy, which led to a doctor telling me that I have cancer.

After my diagnosis, I wasn’t scared. I was just angry – and annoyed. Angry at God for letting this happen, angry at myself because I was convinced my love of tacos, sweets, chips, and cheese had somehow caused this, and annoyed by the inconvenience of it all. There was no room for surgery, chemo, and radiation treatments in my Day Designer.

But I had to make room for a lumpectomy in February, lots of follow-up appointments in March, and surgery for my chemotherapy port placement in April.

I begin chemotherapy on May 7. After five months of treatments, I will then start radiation treatments. So, cancer treatments will consume my entire year.

And as my friend Glenny said, “You know what will enhance your cancer experience? A global pandemic!”

2020, I hate you.

I'd be lying if I said this diagnosis hasn't shaken my faith. It came during my church's 21 Days of Prayer and Fasting. I was fasting sweets, chips, Cheez-Its, and alcohol. I'd been going to church at 6 am every single weekday, 9 am every Saturday and 8 am every Sunday to pray. And God rewards me with cancer.

Oh, yeah, and let's add constant car trouble, my mother being hospitalized, and COVID-19!

But one day a good friend reminded me of something important: God didn't do this, but God is going to use this.

I'm holding on to Genesis 50:20 -- "You intended to harm me, but God intended it for good to accomplish what is now being done, the saving of many lives."

Cancer is now a part of my story, but it won't be the end of my story. This will just be another way for me to empower women. (If you're wondering what this all means for See Jane Write, please read this.) 

I know that writing is the only way I’m going to get through this, so I’m back.  I’m resurrecting my personal blog because this has always been the place where I can fall apart in my own arms and then write myself back together again.

I'll be documenting my cancer journey here. I thought about reviving the Writeous Babe Instagram account as well. But ain't nobody got time to write, blog, run a business, beat cancer, and run two Instagram accounts. So, continue to follow me @seejavaciawrite.

I'm ready.